LMFAO...

This food is in trouble.

What do u think is on this little man's mind?

NEW JOB TITLES (Add urs)

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

*Gardener: Landscape Executive Officer (LEO)
*House Maid: House Upkeep Manager (HUM)

*Receptionist: Office Access Control Manager (OACM)
*Typist: Printed Document Handler (PDH)
*Messenger: Business Communications Conveyor Specialist (BCCS)
*Window Cleaner: Transparent Wall Technician (TWT)
*Temporary Teacher: Associate Tutor (AT)
*Tea Boy: Refreshment Specialist (RS)
*Garbage Collector: Public Sanitation Engineer (PSE)
*Watchman: Theft Prevention & Surveillance Officer (TPSO)
*Thief: Wealth re-Distribution Expert (WrDE)
*Driver: Automobile Propulsion Specialist (APS)
*Maid: Domestic Operations Specialist (DOS)
*Employee without Portfolio: Administration Manager (AM)
*Cook: Gastrointestinal Nourishment Management Executive(GNMO)
*Barber: Dead Scalp Cells Removal Specialist (DSCRS)
*Mechanic: Automotive Fault Tracing & Correction Engineer (AFTCE)
*Tailor: Couture Fabrication Specialist (CFS)
*Politician: Public Funds Diversion Expert (PFDE)

Do Not Forget
*Gossip: Research & Communications Manager (RCM)
*Bad Belle pple: Research, Analysis & Criticism Specialist (RACS)
*Prostitutes: Temporary Spouse Replacement & Care-Giving Executive (TSRCE)
*Local Drunk: Alcohol Testing & Maintenance Executive (ATME)
*Yahoo boy: International Wealth re-Distribution Consultant (IWDC)
*Assassin: Human Population Control Officer (HPCO)

Add more...

WEEKEND LAUGH

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

~ If u're looking for a terrible character, don't go too far. IT'S AKPORS!

Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Ogaga decided to go for a picnic.

Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches.

Ogaga carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away.

It took them 2 hours to get there.

When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches.

After checking around, Ogaga found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener.

They then begged Akpors to make the 4 hour trip to and fro for the opener.

He disagreed. "You'll finish the sandwiches before I return," Akpors protested.

"No we won't", assured Rukewe.

After some more cajoling from them, Akpors reluctantly sets out for the opener.

After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors.

They decided to wait for another 3 hours.

Still no sign of Akpors.

Ogaga and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by now very hungry so they decided to
take one sandwich each.

As they were about to eat, Akpors pops out from behind a rock screaming:

"I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN"!!!

TGIF (Thank God It's Friday)

What a family! LOL

What's the name of this family's dance stunts?

BREAKING NEWS FUN+ (TONTO DIKEH'S SPECIAL)

"Music career started & end in a day" - New world guiness record set by NIGERIAN ACTRESS [TONTO DIKEH]

- BM- "I tried downloading Tonto Dikeh's song but my phone rejected it. My iPhone is truly a
smartphone."

- Sarah: Tonto Dikeh's two tracks are like two Bullets , One to Kill you and the Other to Make sure you are Dead....

- AIT Reporter : Mr johnson what do you think about Tonto Dikeh's new singles?

Johnson: Ah! it is meant for people who are ready to die.

- Akpors: When a DJ Played TONTO DIKEH'S song at my grand-mother's Funeral, my gandmum woke up frm the and changed the Track

NEWS_PAPERS HEADLINES:

- I sang under duress - Tonto Dikeh claims.

- Boko haram admits: We're responsible

- Don't try it again -TB Joshua warns.

- Dis is sad - Nigerians comment

- I think Tonto's Song is nice if you listen to it on mute: King allu

- Truth be told NTA NEWS anthem sounds way better than tonto's singles : king allu admits,

- Truth be told, if what Tonto Dike did qualifies to be referred to as singing, then my generator is the
greatest vocalist of all time = mereje jeffrey comments.

- Tonto Dikeh introduced and ended her music career in a day.
She said "Hi & It's Over"

My question is "Is that music really bad?"

LOL anyways...

WHO ELSE BUT THE PRANK MASTER - AKPORS

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

After being caught for a crime, Akpors was detained for questioning.

POLICE: Where do u live?

AKPORS: With my parents.

POLICE: Where do ur parents live?

AKPORS: With me.

POLICE (Getting seriously pissed): Ok Ok, then where do u all live?

AKPORS: Together.

(LMAO... U need temper control to deal with Akpors)

NAIJA DISASTER LEAGUE

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

(May God save Naija)

The season started with a lot of suprises as FUEL SUBSIDY FC came from relegation to top the table through a powerful shot from the team captain GEJ.

But not so long, the BOKO HARAM FC played des

perately, striking powerful shots 4rm all angles and topped d table 4 more than 5 months.

Before we could notice it, the DANA AIRLINE FC fought fiercely, but only topped the league 3 weeks before BOKO HARAM FC decided to go on top again like Barcelona.

In a short time, the FLOOD FC unexpectedly took over the league.

But recently and presently a relegated team ALUU FC a.k.a (uniport 'four') came out from nowhere winning all their matches to contend for the top position with FLOOD FC, but FLOOD FC is still leading with goal aggregate.

News reaching us says HIFA (Heavenly International Football Association) has decided to send all these teams to relegation.

OUR PRAYER IS SIMPLE
May God see to it that these disastrous clubs be relegated parmanently and be a thing of the past in Naija.
(GOD BLESS NAIJA)

This is CBJ reporting live for NAIJA SUPER SPORT NEWS.

REFUND MY MONEY!!! (Part one)

Central Banks of Jokes(CBJ)

Peter: "I want my money now!"

Tom: I'll kill myself so that I wount pay you *he pulled a gun n shot himself dead*

Peter: "hahaha..... If u think u'l get away with my money u r wrong, i'l follow u until u pay me
*he takes de gun n shot himself dead as well*

Jamas: was watching from a distance he laughed n said "these guys are funny, I want to watch this till

de end"
.... he also took de gun and killed him self!

"SO IF U WANT 2 KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT,U KNOW WHAT 2 DO....!"

This Billboard Featuring A Wife's Divorce Message To A Cheating Husband Just Won't Die

A photo of a billboard in New York—on which scorned wife "Emily" announces to husband "Steven" that she's leaving him—is making the rounds again on Facebook, five-and-a-half years after the mystery ads first appeared in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Los Angeles and Chicago.

The photo of the billboard at 54th Street and 7th Avenue has gotten nearly 10,000 Likes since Monday, showing the weird power social media has to keep things alive for a very, very long time.

A quick internet search revealed that the billboard has in fact appeared before; here (2007), here (2009) and here (2009).

"Let's then deduce that there was no individual woman who was cheated on here, that this is obviously an ad campaign.That ad agency is having the greatest day of their life," said Ryan Seacrest on his radio show on 102.7 KIIS FM Los Angeles in 2006 when callers called in to discuss the billboard.

The 2006 billboard campaign and a blog, thatgirlemily.blogspot.com, turned out to be linked to Court TV's Parco P.I., according to Julie Bosman for The New York Times. 

HAVE A GOOD LAUGH: GRAMMATICAL ERORS (GBAGAUNS) OF NOLLYWOOD

Susan, can I explanation?

AKIN, last time I came here the play that we play cause my pragnant, that is why...

Let be happy, the deal is strucked!

What of if I does it?

I should abortion?

 Click on 'Read more' for more pics

FELA KUTI was born today, 15th October, in 1938.

Say something about this man and drop famous lines of his lyrics u can remember.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM MOVIES (Add urs)

AMERICAN MOVIES

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S.A population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of the U.S.A is to promote basketball.

4. Aliens have special interest in attacking the U.S.A

5. U.S.A is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.

6. Add yours.

INDIAN MOVIES

1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.

2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry, whichever wire you cut you "always choose the right one".

3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.

4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.

5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps.

6. Add yours.

NIGERIAN MOVIES

1. Anything wrong with your life is caused by your grand mother in the village.

2. Babalawo can make you have plenty money but himsef is very poor.

3. A person announces his death before falling to the ground.

4. Every graduate don't get a job.

5. Every house in Abuja is fine and well furnished.

6. Add yours.

KUDOS TO CBJ MEDICAL TEAM

WHAT A WAY TO GIVE BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

CBJ MEDICAL TEAM offers free teeth alignment services.

We know u'd want to say thank you.... U're welcome.

Hurry while free services last.

LMAO.

CBJ FACE(s) OF THE WEEK: TRIBUTE TO ALUU 4 (Tekena Elkanah, Ugonna Ubuzor, Chiadike Biringa and Llyod Michael)

Dem be guys wey get future.

Dem be guys wey get goals.

Dem sef get ambitions and dreams for this life.

Suddenly, the future come dim, the goals vanish, dem no fit come realize the dreams, all because say people like dem wey God create come turn demselves to gods, come take wetin dem no fit create (LIFE).

Person wey talk say "Cemetery na d wealthiest place for this life" no dey lie. These guys don carry future ideas, dreams unfulfilled, unrealized goals and ambitions go six feet under the ground.

May their souls REST IN PEACE!

Tekena, Ugonna, Chiadika and Llyod..... RESPECT!!!

Whatever you did, was not enough for a man/men born of a woman to take your lives.

The world will watch, wait and fight for JUSTICE!

ADIEU!!

FUN+ (ALUUITES IN TROUBLE)

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

Funny phone conversation

(Phone rings)

Girl: Hello who’s on the line?

Boy: Sorry is this Jane:)?

Girl: This is Jane speaking, how may I help you?

Boy: My name is Aluka , I got ur number from a friend.

Girl: Really! So what do u want?

Boy: Pls am looking for a serious date.;)

Girl: Really! I’m single so what do you do?

Boy: I work with NNPC in Port- Hacourt:). I am well paid but the problem is am looking for someone to spend this money. I will change ur life if only u wil accept to be my serious date.

Girl: Wow that’s so romantic! Okay I accept:). I’m from Delta state where are u from?

Boy: I’m from ALUU.

Girl: Aaa what??

Boy: Aluu in River state.

Girl: Sorry, who do u say you want to speak with?

Boy: Haba is this not Jane?.

Girl: SORRY MR ALUKA THIS IS AMINA FROM KANO. BLOOD OF JESUS WRONG NUMBER!!!

CBJ AMEBO: MARRIED WOMAN CAUGHT IN BED WITH BOSS [Photo Inside]

This woman's husband was said to have begged the man on the bed to employ his wife so they could have money to feed until he could sort out his financial problems. The man accepted after several pleas.

But unfortunately, because her husband no longer has money the woman started disrespecting him and keeping late nights. Acting on a tip off, the husband and his friends caught her live in the act with her boss.

The worst is that she didn't even look for an handsome man to sleep with but one who's "uglier" than her husband.

Since she already has a job, is it right for her to sleep with a man for money?

EMPTY HEAD NONI

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make matter clearer, she said,

"Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..."

"Yes" the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

Akpors shouted from behind,

"Cause your feet are not empty"

LOBATAN (Teacher head dey empty noni)

FUN +

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

Akpors buys a new Automatic BMW X6 sport.

He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all.

He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.

He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they sent out a technician to him.

The technician asks,

“Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Full of anger Akpors replies,

“You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I'm not stupid! I use D for the Day and N for the Night.”

LOBATAN

PG 18+ (Readers' discretion is advised)

Central bank of Jokes(CBJ)

Mr Akpors - a farmer ordered a high tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.

When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.

He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank God for cell phones!).

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallon."

Akpors fainted.

(Two gallon ke..)

WETIN CONCERN ENJOYMENT WITH FLOOD?

You wanna hear the truth?

Naija people can NEVER be weighed down by situations.