CBJ AMEBO: KLINT DA DRUNK AND WIFE CELEBRATE 5TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

King of Rib-cracking KLINT and the wife LILIEN celebrate their 5th wedding anniversary.

BIG CONGRATS TO THEM.

TOASTIN' NONI

NABs (Nigeria Association of Boyfriends) no be so?

NAGs (Nigerian Association of Girlfriends) how una take see am?

TGIF NONI

Even masquerade no wan carry last.

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FUNNY HOW TIME FLIES

 

Age 3

Akpors: I'm not your playmate
Ekaitte: But we are friends.

Age 24
Akpors: Eishhh, but we are friends
Ekaitte: I'm not your playmate

HOW TRUE IS THIS?

~ VERY TRUE
~ TRUE
~ FAIRLY TRUE
~ FALSE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MIKE EZURUONYE

Happy birthday to Nollywood's movie magnet Mike Ezuruonye.

Mike Ezuruony is a graduate of Accountancy from the Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awk.

He He attended Federal Government College, Wukari and Archbishop Aggrey Memorial Secondary School, Lagos for his secondary school education

Mike Ezuruony got into the spotlight and won the hearts of fans in early 2000 when he had his first movie appearance in Broken Marriage.

He however became a superstar and had his breakthrough with the 2005 movie, Critical Decision.

Some of his other movies are Native Son, Prince of the Niger, Father’s Blood, Strength to Strength, Crisis in Paradise among others.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN.

CH33RS!

KUDOS TO CBJ TECHNICAL DEPT

Now everyone can have DSTV to watch their entertainment!

Everything has been simplified!

Hurry get yours while stock last.

What a technological breakthrough!

LMAO!

CBJ AMEBO: MAN RAPES 8 CHILDREN

The suspect, Mr. Temitope Alo was arrested on Saturday at Koloba area of Ayobo after the children allegedly confessed that he had raped them.

The eight victims, whose ages range from eight to 15 years were brought to the Lagos State Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation, WAPA yesterday by the Vice Chairman, Ipaja-Ayobo Local Council Development Area, LCDA, Alhaja Falilat Ajijola to enable the state government to take over the case.

READ AND UNDERSTAND GERMAN IN 5 MINS

The European Commission announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s..." will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.

But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying off somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say:
"You're next!!"

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions, however medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

CBJ AMEBO: GIRL DIES AFTER HAVING S*X WITH ALHAJI AND HIS MONKEY

It was gathered that Cynthia (another Cynthia) was picked up by an Alhaji, and after they had fun, he took her to his guest house, and gave her $2000 to suck and sleep with his monkey. She refused at first but after looking at the money again, she concurred.

After the ordeal the alhaji dropped her off and drove away. Few hours later she started complaining of stomach ache, she thought it was a normal thing. As it was gathered from the source, few hours later maggots started  coming out from her private parts. Her friend tried to rush her to the hospital but it was too late. She died before they could do anything.

Click on 'Read more'

CBJ AMEBO: FEMALE BANKER SENDS ARMED ROBBERS AFTER CUSTOMER, JUST AFTER HE WITHDREW N5M

A female cashier working in a new generation bank along New Market Road, Onitsha, Anambra State has landed in trouble for sending robbers after a customer just after he withdrew N5 million from the bank. It was gathered that the customer was attacked by the armed bandits who operated on two motorcycles while waiting to board a vehicle to his destination.

After being dispossessed of the money, Daily Sun gathered that the victim became suspicious of the role played by the female cashier as no other person knew about the withdrawal and he hurried back to the bank in anger and threatened to expose the cashier if the stolen money was not returned immediately to him.

SEPTEMBER EXAM 2012

Answer all questions.
Note: No calculator or any electronic devices.
TIME:1hour 30mins.

SECTION A:

1. If a Witch marries an Armed Robber and give birth to a prostitute, who ll stay home at night?

2. What are the Names of the 2 people holding hands when U switch on a Nokia phone?

3. If the past tense of take is took, what is the past tense of make?

4. I have a dream is to Luther King, as I av no shoes is to?

5. What's the plural form of Zaphaneth Paneah?

6. Which University in your country has the highest number of ladies who cAn travel a 2km journey on foot?

7. If Tinubu is a friend to Obasanjo on facebook, then who sent the friend request?

 

Click on 'Read more' to go see SECTION B

PINGING LORI G/NUT... JOOOR OOO!

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FUN+ CBJ 406 (MATHEMATICAL REASONING)

If it took GEJ about 50 years to get to Aso Rock without shoes, how long would it take him if he wore;

(1) ALL STARS

(2) TOMS

(3) KOKO MAURI

Your time starts now...

2FACE IS 37...DROP YOUR WISHES

A living legend is 37 years old today.

To the symbol of youth, perseverance, hard work & creativity - INNOCENT IDIBIA (2FACE).

╔♫╗──────── ╔═╦╗─♫╗╔╗─╔╗─♥─ ─
║╩╠═╦═╦═╦╦╗ ║╚╠╬╦╣╚╣╚╦╝╠═╦╦ ╗
║╦║╬║╬║╬║║║ ║╔║║╔╣╔╣║║╬║╬║║ ║
╚╩╩╩╣╔╣╔╬╗║ ♫═╩╩╝╚═╩╩╩═╩╩╬╗ ║
────♫╝╚╝╚═╝ ─────────────╚═ ♥ TUBABA

Wishing u ages to come in good health and prosperity.

CH33RS!!!

PG 18+ ABI NA

A man and his wife were arguing over sex.

Man: Sex is work!

Wife: Sex is pleasure!

Man: I don't blame you, you don't know what men are passing through.

Wife: All I know is that sex is pleasure whether you like it or not.

With this, the argument lasted for a long time until they decided to invite Akpors, their house help to hear his own version.

Man: "Ehen... Akpors!"

Akpors: "Yes oga!"

Man: "Is sex work or pleasure?"

Akpors: "Ehmmm... Oga, sex na pleasure because if to say sex na work, you 4 don call me make I come do am"

LOBATAN!

CBJ AMEBO: FORMER NIGERIAN COMPTROLLER GENERAL OF PRISONS SHOT LEAVING MOSQUE

Former Comptroller General of the Nigerian prison service, Ibrahim Jarma Katagum was attacked by gunmen near his residence in Azare, Bauchi State.

The attempted assassination took place as the former comptroller returned from evening prayers at a mosque close to his residence.

Mr. Katagum, who was shot in the leg, survived the attack. A family source said he is receiving treatment at an undisclosed clinic.

Mr. Katagum presided over the wedding fatia of the son of Isa Yuguda, Governor of Bauchi state. The young man married the daughter of Alhaji Babayo Sheu, the former Deputy National Chairman of PDP on Saturday in Azare.

 Culled: Sahara Reporters

ROSS NA ROSS

Wait a minute, spot the difference between these two ROSS.

RICK ROSS and ENUGU ROSS

FUN+ THANKS TO ABA (Add urs)

~ Thanks To Aba Iphone 5 now has a steel back

~ Thanks To Aba FIFA 13 now runs commentary in pidgin

~ Thanks To Aba Adidas now has 12 stripes

~ Thanks To Aba we now have Ray Bounce

~ Thanks To Aba we now have Nokia phones with two hands chopping knuckles instead of shaking hands

~ Thanks To Aba we now have Toyota camry Jean trousers

~ Thanks To Aba we now have victor secret

~ Thankks To Aba we now have Tummy Hilfigure

~ Thanks To Aba we now have Marks and Sponsors

~ Thanks To Aba fifa 13 now comes with Iyanya's Kukere as theme song

~ Thanks To Aba 200 in 1 DVD plate

~ Thanks To Aba we now have ceiling fans with 5 blades

~ Thanks To Aba the latest model of keke napep now comes with AC

Keep it rolling...
(Naija no go ever carry last)

CBJ AMEBO: NIGERIAN PROF. BECOMES FIRST BLACK VC OF UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS

Ondo born Professor, Ilesanmi Adesida, a former Dean, becomes the first black Vice Chancellor of University of Illinois, USA.

The 63 year old professor is a naturalized American physicist of Nigerian descent.

 

He was the Dean, College of Engineering at the University before the University Board of Trustees selected him to be the next Vice Chancellor for Academics Affairs and Provost, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

Professor Adesida assumed that position last month, August 2012.

 

Congrats to him...