Jan 9, 2013

CBJ AMEBO: BRAZILIAN PROSTITUTES LEARNING ENGLISH AHEAD OF 2014 WORLD CUP

Prostitutes in one of Brazil's biggest cities are beginning to sign up for free English classes ahead of this year's Confederations Cup and the 2014 World Cup.


The president of the Association of Prostitutes of the city of Belo Horizonte says by telephone that 20 have already signed upfor the courses and she expects at least 300 of the group's 4,000 members to follow suit. The association is organizing the classes andseeking volunteer teachers.

Prostitution is legal in Brazil.
Belo Horizonte will host six World Cup matches and Vieira said Tuesday "it will be important for the girls will be able to use English to let their clients know what they are charging and learn about what turns them on."
AP

CBJ AMEBO: AND SHE DIED WITHOUT GETTING JUSTICE FOR HER SON


Mrs. ELEKIYA AYISAT GIWA, Mother Of Dele Giwa, Nigeria's Foremost Journalist Who Was Killed By A Parcel Bomb In 1986.

She Died Aged 87.

So sad... Naija, God is watching us in 3D.

May her gentle souls rest in peace.

Jan 8, 2013

CBJ AMEBO: WANTED - SOMEONE TO WASH THE QUEENS DISHES FOR £14K A YEAR


Successful applicant will be based at Buckingham Palace and accompany the royals on trips to ­Windsor, Sandringham, ­Balmoral and Holyroodhouse





The Queen is looking to hire someone to travel around her royal residences... to wash her dishes.
The successful applicant will be based at Buckingham Palace but must accompany the royals on trips to ­Windsor, Sandringham, ­Balmoral and Holyroodhouse.
The General Catering ­Assistant (Wash Up) – as it is formally described – will earn £14,200 a year for a 40-hour week, working mainly in the Royal Household’s staff restaurant but washing royal dishes too.
The job advert on the royal website reads: “You must be willing to work away from London for up to three months of the year.”
Candidates must be punctual, reliable and able to work as part of a team. ­Experience of a similar job is desirable.
The job, which includes ­accommodation, will be paid from the Civil List.

SOME FUN FACTS ABOUT NIGERIA


Here are some fun facts about Nigeria...


  1. Maiduguri girls have the longest hair in Nigeria?
  2. Fulani girls have the longest tongue
  3. A place is called Sabo in every state in Nigeria
  4. Osun state has the highest number of Yahoo Boys in the country
  5. Nigeria has the highest users of slangs in Africa, second to USA in the entire world
  6. Nigerian politicians tell the most lies in the world
  7. Na only in Nigeria u go see a poor man selling a book title how to make 5 million in 2 days.

Jan 1, 2013

EYE TEST


Dear CBJ Fans, 
We love you so much and want you to see properly in 2013. To this end, we decided to conduct this EYE TEST for you all...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
5555555S5555
55S5555555S5
555555S55555
555555555555
555S55555555
555555S555S5
555S55555555
55555S555S55
How many *S* can you see?

We also want to conduct ear and nose tests for y'all so we have hired Prof Akpors to carry out the tests for you. Prof Akpors is waiting for all of you at the National Stadium, Abuja. Prof Akpors will conduct free pregnancy test for the first lady to get there, free slapping test for the first guy to get there, free kidnapping test for the first politician to get there, and many more... 

What are you waiting for??? 

Happy New Year 2013!

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Dec 31, 2012

CBJ AMEBO: RAYMOND BELL, PASTOR OF THE COWBOY CHURCH OF VIRGINIA, CLAIMS STROKING HORSES CAN 'CURE' HOMOSEXUALITY


The idea that a gay person can be "cured" of his or her homosexuality is not a new one. For centuries doctors, therapists and religious figures have tried a wide variety of techniques -- from praying to surgery to exorcism -- to "convert" men and women "suffering" from same-sex attractions.
But we have to admit that the "reparative" therapy used by Raymond Bell, pastor of the Cowboy Church of Virginia, is one of the strangest we've come across.

According to Gay Star News, Bell claims that the use of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy, or sessions involving the stroking of horses, can aid in the "curing" of maladies and "addictions" like homosexuality.
"EAP can help any person who is living the homosexual lifestyle or involved in it in anyway," he told Gay Star News.
Though it isn't clear exactly how EAP works to rid a gay person of their "affliction,"Gay Star News notes that it can supposedly make gay men more masculine and that it is used to "identify how a person got 'involved' in homosexuality to begin with... for example, because of rape, abandonment, lacking a male role model, abuse and having low self-esteem."
Bell does not believe that homosexuality is genetic. Instead he claims, "Homosexuality is actually a type of addiction. It is not 'curable' as a disease because it is a 'choice driven' by the person."
"Conversion therapy" has become a hot topic in recent months as California became the first state to outlaw the practice on minors. Though a bill was passed by the California Legislature and was set to take effect on January 1 after being signed into law by Governor Jerry Brown in September, last week the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals issued an emergency order putting the law in limbo until it can hear full arguments on the issue.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/29/raymond-bell-cowboy-church-of-virginia-horses-gay_n_2381028.html

Dec 30, 2012

CBJ AMEBO: JAPANESE MAN, 115, NAMED WORLD'S OLDEST


KYOTANGO, Japan, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- A Japanese man pushing 116 years old was declared the world's oldest-living person this week, city officials in Kyoto Prefecture said Friday.



Jiroemon Kimura beat the previous Guinness World Record for male longevity by a single day Friday, when he turned 115 years, 252 days old.

Kimura, who spent most of his life as a mail carrier and farmer, was born in 1897 and has 14 children and 13 great-grandchildren, Japan's Kyodo news service said,

He was recently hospitalized and will remain in the hospital to ring in the New Year.

The previous record holder was Dina Manfredini if Iowa, who died Dec. 17 at age 115, two weeks after claiming the longevity record.

ALWAYS ASK GOD WHAT YOU WANT AND WAIT FOR HIM TO GIVE YOU MORE!!


Once a baby Girl went to a shop with her mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed her a bottle with sweets...

And said, "Dear Child, you can take the sweets".
But the child didn't take. The shopkeeper was surprised Such a small child she is and why is she not taking the sweets from the bottle.

Again he said take the sweets. Now the mother also heard that and said, "Take the sweets dear".

Yet she didn't take it. The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets. He himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two handsfull of sweets. While returning home the Mother asked the child Why didn't you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take..?

Can you guess the response:
.
.
.
Child replies Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few.. But now you see when uncle gave with his big hands, How many more sweets I got!

MORAL LESSON:
When we take we may get little but when Our Father in Heaven gives He gives us more beyond our expectations more than what we can think of Because His blessings are more better than we can even imagine. Always ask God what you want and wait for him to give you more!!

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CBJ AMEBO: DHAOU FATNASSI, 20-YEAR-OLD TUNISIAN, DIES AFTER EATING 28 RAW EGGS AS A DARE




On Wednesday, 20-year-old Tunisian man Dhaou Fatnassi died after completing a dare to eat 28 raw eggs, French-language radio station Shems FM reported.
According to News.com.au, Fatnassi's friends had promised to give him "an undisclosed sum of money" if he swallowed all 28 of the raw eggs whole. (One assumes that did not include the shells, but you can never be sure.) After doing so, Fatnassi reportedly started to feel pains in his stomach. He headed toward the Hopital les Aghlabides in Kairouan, Tunisia, to receive medical attention, but died in transit.
Over the years, many have surely wondered whether the famous egg-eating scene in "Cool Hand Luke" was replicable in real life, and whether it was really possible to eat 50 eggs and live to tell the tale, as Paul Newman's character did. (Though his eggs were hard-boiled, not raw.) But Fatnassi's grim end shows that some feats are meant to stay fictional. Let's hope his example wards off any future daredevils in the egg-eating arena.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/27/dhaou-fatnassi-raw-eggs_n_2371954.html

EASY TEST FOR YOU... This test is called matching test.



If Farouk, Akpors, & Rukenwe come to your house the same time and leave the same time, and who among them would you suspect for each of the following missing items in your house?

A. Six hundred thousand US dollars
B. Your beautiful wife
C. Your guinea fowl

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SPECIAL PRAYER (IN YORUBA) FOR THE SPECIAL SEASON

Someone sent me these prayers. It's quite interesting because it is in yoruba language. It is called Adura opin odun in ABD....Y

Year ending prayers in Yoruba alphabets

Too bad if you can't read Yoruba!!!! Get an Aayan Ogbufo (interpreter) or google d meaning or get a Yoruba Lang dictionary. Howe­ver, let us interpret some parts of it for you:

A - Alaafia fun o.

B - Buburu kan ki yoo subu lu o.

D - Dugbedugbe ibanuje ko ni ja le o l'ori.

E - Ebi o ni pa o l'odun titun

E - Ekun, ose ko ni je tire.

F - Funfun aye re ko ni dibaje.

G - Gunnungun ki ku l'ewe, wa dagba d'arugbo.

GB - Gbogbo idawole re a y'ori si rere.

H - Hausa,Yoruba,Ib­o,gbogbo eya ati eniyan kaakiri agbaye ni yo koju si o se o loore.

I - Iwaju, iwaju l'opa ebiti re yo ma re si.

J - Jijade re, wiwole re, o ni k'agbako.

K - Kukuru abi giga, osi ati ise ko ni je tire.

L - Loniloni wa r'aanu gba.

M - Monamona ati ara Olorun yoo tu awon ota re ka.

N - Naira, Euro, Dollar, Pound,Yen,Yuan,­gbogbo owo ati oro kaakiri agbaye pelu omo alalubarika ati alaafia yoo mu o l'ore, won o si fi ile re se ibugbe.

O - Ojurere ati aanu yoo ma to o leyin ni ojo aye re gbogbo.

O - Ojo ola re a dara.

P - Panpe aye o ni mu o t'omotomo.

R - Rere ni agogo aye re o ma lu nigbagbogbo.

S - Suuru pelu itelorun ninu oro at'alaafia yoo ba o kale. S - Sugbon ati abawon aye re ti poora loni.

T - Tomotomo, t'ebitebi, t'iletile o ni d'ero eyin.

U - U ki s'awati lede Ijesha; a o ni fi o s'awati laarin awon eniyan. Ulosiwaju(ilosi­waju), userere(iserere­), ati ubukun(ibunkun)­ yio je tire.

W -Wa ri ba ti se, wa r'ona gbe gba.

Y - Yara ibunkun, ire, ati ayo ailopin loo ma be e gbe titi ojo aye re......

AMIN ASHE EDUMARE.

Iwo naa fi ranse si awon eeyan re. __._,_.___

Ki ojo eni ko dara fun e tebi tara.

Ayo la o fi lo odun yi ja ni l'ase eduma

A-Good Health for you

B-no evil shall befall you

D-The troubles of sorrow will not fall upon you

E-You shall not go hungry this year

Complete all d rest jare


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Dec 29, 2012

NIGERIA Vs PAKISTAN


That funny moment when Pakistani news says "At least 15 killed in sect attack in north Nigeria!" Whereas, insurgents have already killed 100s in their own country, Pakistan. 

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AN ABUJA ATHIEST & JUDGE AKPORS

In Abuja, An Atheist brought up a case against the upcoming
Christmas Holiday. He hired a Lawyer to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Muslims concerning observation of their Holy Days...

The Argument was that it was unfair that Atheists had no such privilege to observe special days recognised by the federal government of Nigeria.

The case was brought before Judge Akpos.

After listening to the passionate presentation by the Lawyer, Judge Akpors banged his gavel declaring; "Case Dismissed".

The plaintiff's lawyer quickly stood up, objecting to the ruling and
said; Your honour, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The
Christians have Christmas, Easter and Others. The Muslims have Id-el-kabir, Id-el-fitri and Others. But my client and other Atheists have no such holidays.

Then Judge Akpors leaned forward in his chair and said; Your client and other Atheists have. Is just that your client is woefully ignorant.

The Lawyer said; Your honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for Atheists.

Judge Akpos said; The Calendar says April 1st is April Fools day. Psalm 14 verse 1 says, The fool says in his heart, there is no God. It is the opinion of this court that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day.


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Dec 19, 2012

I SHALL NOT DIE NONI!!!

Akpors' chicken say lai lai, hin no gree go for this xmas.

=Dº°˚˚˚°ºнaĦaнaº°˚˚˚°º=)) Ħ̀́̀́̀ǻ̀́:Dħ̀́̀́ɐ̀́̀́̀́=Dħ̀́̀́̀ǻ̀́ħ̀́̀́ɐ̀́̀́̀́=))ħ̀́̀́ǻ̀́ħ̀́ =))•´¨)
¸.•´ ¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸¸.•´(¸.•´(¸.• =)) нaнaнaнaнa.

IF THIS IS A MOVIE POSTER, SUGGEST A SUITABLE TITLE

Dec 14, 2012

CBJ AMEBO: SHOW OF SHAME AS TWO ABUJA HIGH CLASS CHICKS FIGHT NAKED IN PUBLIC OVER A MARRIED MAN (PHOTO)

What is this world turning into?

This happened in Wuse 2 in Abuja.

Two beautiful high class chicks fight in public because of a married man.

It's a shame, no man is worth going this extent for.

See the photo when you click on 'Read more' (Viewers discretion is advised)


Dec 8, 2012

CHAOS AS MONEY CHANGES INTO A BIRD, THEN STARTS TALKING


There was pandemonium at Mbare Musika Rank on Wednesday amid claims that a stash of US$350 that transformed into a small bird which then started talking.

A huge crowd gathered and it needed police intervention as the mob wanted to beat up the Dzivarasekwa-based cross border trader identified as Immaculate Chirunga (33).
She had to escape in a kombi which took her to Mbare Police Station for protection. Witnesses who spoke to our news crew confirmed that indeed the money changed into a bird which later spoke.
The money was meant to pay for the services provided by a Chipinge-based sangoma as per their contractual agreement. Immaculate confirmed that indeed the bird ‘talked’ and she was not moved because she was aware of the powers of the sangoma whom she has consulted.
“I was not scared or moved when the money changed into a bird. I know Sekuru Mudapaviri Ndoro’s extra-ordinary powers,” said Immaculate.
The woman revealed that she consulted Sekuru Mudapaviri Ndoro after she lost her goods to a kombi crew on her way from South Africa two weeks ago. Immaculate claims that she was given some juju and the robbers returned her stuff at her parents’ Chadcombe house. However, her joy short-lived.
She delayed paying Sekuru Ndoro his charge of US$50 for the juju, which was meant to work for three weeks and ‘unfortunately’ the grace period expired on Wednesday.
Immaculate claims that when she put her money on the bed it turned into a bird which instructed her to travel to Birchenough Bridge.
Said Immaculate: “I had US$350 yesterday and the money suddenly changed into this bird and I was not afraid since I knew what I did and I also knew Sekuru Ndoro’s powers. The bird told me that I should take it to Birchenough Bridge.
She said when she arrived at Mbare Musika, her brother phoned her questioning her why she had used juju to recover her stuff and that is when Sekuru Ndoro, speaking through the bird, intervened.
Immaculate was then mobbed by Mbare traders who wanted an explanation on how a bird which is not a parrot could talk, for a parrot is believed to have the ability to mimic human speech.
“I went to Cape Town two weeks ago along with my two colleagues since I am a cross border trader and we were robbed by the kombi crew. The kombi stopped in the middle of the bush and the crew took all our valuables and my friends resisted prompting a thorough bashing from the robbers.
I was lucky since I surrendered all my belongings and they gave me R300 for complying with their orders before they went away,” she said.
The woman revealed that the robbers confessed and when she phoned Sekuru she was advised to charge them US$500 and six cows for the offence.
“Sekuru told me to open my bags and surprisingly they were beaten thoroughly by invisible things. Sekuru told me to get US$500 plus six cows for the payment from the robbers. He advised me that I should give him US$350 for his job before my return to South Africa,” she narrated.
Immaculate is a single mother of three and her husband died after killing his brother-in-law. She claims that in her previous transactions with Sekuru Ndoro, she sent her payment via an unnamed driver.
“He told me to tie the money and put it in a flowing river. I did that and he later called me confirming that he had received the money”

Nov 28, 2012

BASKET CAR MADE IN IBADAN (Crazy Creativity at its' peak)




At least Naija sef don dey Assemble car be that na... Basket oo, Iron oo.. That one no concern anybody.

Infact, Akpors can now afford a car... Nntoooorrr (Tongue out) Hehehehe

But come to think of it, this creativity is crazy... Simply wow.

Nov 25, 2012

NAME IT

What is this fruit called in your NATIVE LANGUAGE?

THE HONORABLE...

I usually don't like it when Hon. Obahiagbon gets angry... I get HEADACHE... LMAO

Patrick Obahiagbon On Nigerian Pastors And Private Jets

I cast my vote for Bishop Matthew Hassan Kukah and Pastor Tunde Bakare in their demosthenic vitriol
against spiritual megalomaniacs whose modus vivendi has become increasingly byzantine and repulsively narcissistic.

We must all begin to deprecate this razzmatazz and Nestorian braggadocio in the "HOUSE OF GOD" because when there is no difference between the values of a Pastor and a typical Nigerian Politician, then it's truly a bolekaja ambience.....

Wetin the guy talk abeg?

AMBALI & AKPORS...

Wrongest people to ask questions.

Mr & Mrs Apororo were arguing on who is d most Coward & Scared between them.

After a long argument, they decided to ask their 2 kids (Ambali & Akpors) who they think was d most Coward &
Scared between them.

The first Kid (Ambali) says:

"Dad is d most coward 'cos he's scared of women: Whenever he sees a beautiful lady in town; He closes one eye (i.e winks at d lady)"

Wife realizing d meaning was very angry with her husband.

The Second kid (Akpors) goes:

"That's nothing. Mummy is so scared to sleep alone when dad works night shift. Mummy sleeps with d man next door; sometimes she invites d gardener or uncle Kingleys to sleep with her. Sometimes uncle Mayowa d youth corper, after leaving ur room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just bcos she's scared."

MR APORORO FAINTED!

HAPPY NEW WEEK