Nov 2, 2012


Akpors decided to follow his friend Osas on a hunting trip deep in the
forest of Okomu reserve in Iguobazuwa.

Akpors has never gone hunting while Osas has hunted all his life.

When they got to the middle of the forest, Osas told Akpors to sit by
a tree and not make a sound while he checks out an antelope trail.

After he got about a quarter of a mile away, Osas heard a
blood-curling scream which scared away nearby antelope.

He rushed back to Akpors and yelled;

"I think I tell you say make you quiet?"

Akpors replied:

"Shuo, I try o, I really try. When green snake waka pass my leg I nor
shake body or make peem sound. When gorilla come dey breath hot and
smelly smelly air for my face, I nor shake body or make shekele sound.
But when two squirrel waka enter my trouser leg, one come tell the
other one say, 'Chei, see as this two palm kernels big like coconut,
we nor go fit chop dem finish for here, so make we pluck and carry dem
go house', guy a no fit hol am.. naim I come start to halla."

Osas almost died laughing. (Palm kernel ke?)


Akpos was taking his final exam at Police College in kano.

Here is one of the questions:

"You are on patrol in the outskirts of kano when an explosion occurs
in the town. On investigation, you find a large hole has been blown in
the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the
van there is a strong smell of alcohol.
Both occupants – a man and woman – are injured. You recognize the
woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away
on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan.
A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realize that
he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery.
Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is
expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the
birth imminent.
Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent
Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim.

Describe in a few words what action you would take?"

Akpos thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote:

"I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd – Na me una wan
turn to mad man abi?"

Oct 31, 2012


What would happen in Nigeria if we are to experience an hurricane like
the US East Coast is currently going through Hurricane Sandy? (GOD

Imagine say a 'Hurricane Akpors' is heading for Naija in 3 weeks..
First and foremost;

1. Prophet T.B Joshua will prophesy the hurricane.

2. The State Governors will hold a press conference advicing the people of the states to remain calm as government is working hard to see how they can tackle the situation.

3. National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) will grant an interview on Channels TV and AIT saying that they are well trained and prepared to handle the crisis. That they are untop of the Situation.

4. The Federal Government will wait for the Hurricane to first land and wipe out States then;

- Hold a day of National Mourning and Prayers and order the flag be flown at half mast.

- Visit the disaster location for a first hand assessment of the damage.

- Visit the survivors camp and share relief material (Mosquito nets, rice and Indomie)

- Set up a committee to investigate the Hurricane and see how we can prevent future hurricanes from visiting Nigeria.

- Release billions of Naira (on Paper) for disaster management.

- Sack the Minister of Water Resources for failing to contain the water.

- Commend the State Governors, NEMA, Red Cross and other emergency services unit for their quick response.

5. The Senate will hold an emergency session and condemn the 'Hurricane'.

6. Churches around Nigeria will hold crusades and Programmes with Titles like 'May Hurricane wipe out your enemies'.. 'Calming the Hurricanes in your life'.. 'Finding the Rainbow in your Hurricane'.. e.t.c..

7. M.I Abaga will release a single about hurricanes.

8. Femi Falana (SAN) will sue the Hurricane, F.G and State government for their poor handling of the Hurricane.

9. CPC, ACN, APGA and others will blame the PDP and Jonathan for the Hurricane.

10. Jokes about BOKO HARAM claims responsibility for the Hurricane will go viral on Facebook, Blackberry Messenger and Twitter..

11. Many People will change their Blackberry Display Pictures to 'Hurricane Pictures' and Facebook status will read..Hurricane Things..


Oct 30, 2012


(Who else but the prank master - Akpors)

Akpors insisted that his first child must bear his name.

So on the day of naming...

Rev: Which name would u like ur child to bear?

Akpors (with smile all over his face) replied; Akpors.

Rev: NO! He has to bear an English name.

Akpors: Oh ok... Akporsking.

Rev (Obviously tired of the prank): LISTEN! Ur son should be named
after a saint in the Bible.

Akpors: Na wa o...

(He thought for a while and obviously with an inspiration and great smile)

"Ok pastor; St. Akporstus"

The baby passed out laughing...

SAME NONI - PG 18+ (Reader's discretion advised)

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)
Mr Akpors - a Nigerian tourist goes on a trip to China.

While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital.

The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.

Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

Akpors looks a little perplexed and says:

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers:

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

Akpors screams in horror, "Ampu.... wetin?! I want a second opinion please doc".

The doctor replies:

"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims:

"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

Akpors says to the doctor:

"Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:

"Stupid docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", Akpors replies in relief.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

Akpors fainted!


Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.

Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus, with a huge bundle of toys.

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

The question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer.
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one that existed in the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and no such thing as a perfect man.

***Women stop here!!!.***

***That is the end of the joke.***

***Men keep scrolling by clicking 'Read more'***


Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)
Akpors and Ekaitte got married.

Akpors was a "man about town" so to speak, but Ekaitte was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Akpors was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.

So, that night they retired to his little shack.

When Akpors was undressing Ekaitte said,

"Oh Akpors, what is that?"

Akpors being very quick thinking said,

"Eki baby, I am the only man in the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Ekaitte was happy.

The next morning Akpors went off to work as usual.

When he returned home that evening, Ekaitte was on the front porch obviously upset about something.

"Akpors, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Ambali the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."

Thinking fast, Akpors said,

"Oh, Eki baby, Ambali is my good friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."

Ekaitte, not being knowledgeable about these things, accepted his answer, and they did their thing again that night.

Akpors went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Ekaitte was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.

Akpors said,

"Eki baby, what is the matter this time?"

"Akpors, you gave Ambali the better one!!!"

Akpors fainted!


See wetin Akpors' landlord do to am sake of say him dey owe N80...

Will give u update when Akpors returns...


Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

(A small gesture)

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.

However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.

She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk.

He drank it slowly, and then asked, “How much do I owe you?”

“You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.”

He said, “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also.

He had been ready to give up and quit.

Year’s later that young woman became critically ill.

The local doctors were baffled.

They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation.

When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her.

He recognized her at once.

He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life.

From that day he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval.

He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room.

She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.

Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.

She began to read the following words:

“Paid in full with one glass of milk”

Signed, Dr. Howard Kelly.


Oct 29, 2012


Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)
Akpors met a girl and there he goes trying to be romantic

Akpors: Hey girl! I like ur teeth.

Gal (blushing): Ooww... Thanks.

Akpors: It reminds me of a song.

Gal (still blushing): Wow... That's so romantic. What song?