NIGERIANS & THEIR FUNNY PRAYERS!

Sorry, some Yoruba speaking folks will understand this funny prayer.

YORUBA VERSION

"If any person say u no go make am, hear this: Ayi pa ni ti steering, Ate pa ni ti brake, Afa pa ni ti gear, Afun be ni ti tyre, Awapa ni ti moto. Na so ur enemy life go be. O ya gba ori re mu... Ki o ke pe Jesu lohun rara...Pa'riwo bi aja ti okada gba, so wipe Ooooluwa ooooo!! Ta ni eni naa t'o gba Blackberry bold5 lowo mi, t'o wa gbe Nokia 3310 lemi lowo... Ina Olorun oooo!!! Jo owo naa ki o si fi iphone ropo. Aduraaaa!!!"

Click on 'Read more' to view English and Pidgin version

CBJ AMEBO: OLAMIDE SET TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM

Eniduro crooner,  Olamide a.k.a Young Erikina is set to release his new album titled Yahoo Boy No Laptop (YBNL).

He features Nigeria's finest musicians like Tiwa Savage, Davido, label mate Kida kuz on the LP  and worked with respected producers like Id cabasa, 2kriss, Hcode and Pheelz.

Culled: Nigezie

CBJ AMEBO: WORLD'S TALLEST DOG 'ZEUS' 7-FOOT TALL AND WEIGHS 70KG.

Guinness World Records 2013 lists Michigan dog as world's tallest Dog in the world.

The Great Dane Zeus Standing on his hind legs,stretches to 7-foot (2.13-meter)-4-inch (101.-millimeter) and towers over his owner, Denise Doorlag. Zeus is just an inch taller than the previous record-holder, Giant George. Zeus weighs 155 pounds (70 kilograms) and eats around 12 cups of food a day.

That's equivalent to one 30-pound (13.6-kilogram) bag of food.

The three-year-old Great Dane's owner Denise Doorlag told AFP: “The most common thing people ask is: ‘Is that a dog or a horse?' We had to get a van to be able to transport him, oh, and if he steps on your foot he leaves bruises!”

CBJ AMEBO: DOG STANDS GUARD OVER DECEASED OWNER'S GRAVE FOR SIX YEARS

An extremely dedicated dog has continued to show its loyalty, keeping watch on its owner's grave six years after he passed away.

Capitan, a German shepherd, reportedly ran away from home after its owner, Miguel Guzman, died in 2006. A week later, the Guzman family found the dog sitting by his grave in central Argentina.

Miguel Guzman adopted Capitan in 2005 as a gift for his teenage son, Damian. And for the past six years, Capitan has continued to stand guard at Miguel's grave. The family says the dog rarely leaves the site.

CBJ AMEBO: TWO NIGERIAN TEENAGERS FACE DEPORTATION IN CANADA

These teenagers, two University of Regina students, from Nigeria have been hiding in a church for months to avoid deportation for unwittingly working at Walmart without the proper permits.

Ihuoma Amadi, 21, and Victoria Ordu, 20, have attended the school for three years on a scholarship. Last year, the pair worked at the store for two weeks, but according to Citizenship and Immigration Canada, international students can't be employed off campus without a work permit.

"It was an honest mistake. They want a second chance. There are better measures that could have been used rather than the ultimate punishment, which is deportation," said Kay Adebogun, vice-president of the Canadian Association of Immigration Consultants, who is representing them pro bono.

AKPORSTELLI NONI

Could he be Ballotelli's brother?.....lol

Say something about this pix.

CBJ AMEBO: WOMAN URINATING ON HER HUSBAND'S SNATCHER

Chei...see purnishment o... This happened in Portharcourt.

CBJ AMEBO: NIGERIAN NEWSPAPERMAN FALLS UNDER WHEELS OF OIL MINISTER DIEZANI'S CONVOY, KILLING HIM

James Momoh

James Momoh, an Abuja-based media worker, died a gruesome death after he was run over by a convoy belonging to the Oil Resources minister, Diezani Allison-Madueke.
Momoh was reportedly on his way back from work at Nicon Junction, Maitama area of Abuja late Wednesday, when the tragedy occurred.

A PM News report indicated that Momoh, employed by the Abuja-based Pilot Newspapers, was taken to the NNPC hospital where hospital workers were not able to save his life.

2PAC

This day 13th September Tupac died 16 years ago today.

Do you think he's the greatest rapper of all time??? If not, Who???

CBJ AMEBO: FEMALE ROBBER NABBED IN ABUJA TODAY.

She led a team of robbers in a car to rob a female passenger like her, luck ran out of her as probing eyes watched for a distance her operation and sympathisers swooped on them rescuing the victim who was later Identified as Obiageli.

This lady was apprehended out of the five of them as she could not escape thinking phonetics would save her while others ran away.

Na ha Nakedness she take pay the price.

Inside the ash coloured Nissan Sunny were loads of ATM cards, Passports of various persons, her bag contained "many phone" an eyewitness said.

This incident happened at the AREA 11 TRAFFIC LIGHT where they were held by traffic as they were been chased. It happened today, at about 2:00pm.

CBJ AMEBO: MORENIKE POPOOLA KIDNAPPED IN LAGOS

Morenike Popoola was kidnapped around 9:30 -10 last night in Amuwo-Odofin on her way home.

Her car, a wine-coloured Toyota Corolla Sports car was also taken, but was recovered very early this morning around Kirikiri.

Morenike's abductors contacted her family this morning but made no specific demands, just said they will call back. The police are now involved!

Anyone with any information or can offer any assistance please call 07062425660 or 08025045690

Culled: Linda Ikeji

PG 18+ OMOKOMO!

Akpors saw his father and mother in bed "at it" so he asked,

"daddy, what are you doing?"

His father replied,

"I am beating your mummy"

Akpors thought for a while (with a sad face) and said,

"Mama, but what offense at all have you committed in this house? Today four different men have beaten you, first was the gateman Idrissu, then Abuga the painter, that albino postman also beat you and now daddy, WHYYYYY?"

Akpors' father had a heart attack.

CBJ AMEBO: AYEFELE COMPLETES NEW HOTEL IN IBADAN

As you read this, popular award-winning Tungba musician Yinka Ayefele has just completed a big hotel valued at millions of naira and he will be opening it soon.

The hotel Downtown Hotels and Suites is located at Alakia Adegbayi road, Iwo Road, Ibadan.

It is made up of well-equipped standard, executive and suite rooms, 24 hours standby generator, and other mind-blowing facilities.

Ayefele is known to have businesses that cut across various sectors of the economy. Today, he has continued to praise God with his award-winning songs and has expanded his coast beyond music;he is now a force in Nigeria and beyond.

Culled: City People Mag

JACUZZI NONI

Wait a minute! You think u gat swags? Akpors got it from birth.

Warri no dey carry last. JACUZZI, RUBBERCUZZI, PLASTICUZZI etc.

All na to enjoy life, NO BE SO?

Say something 'bout this pix.

CBJ AMEBO: EYES ON THE FUTURE

Dubai metro: Can Africa host a similar if not better infrastructure?

I believe we can...when and how is what I cant say.

Eyes on the future...

CBJ AMEBO: SINGER, OBIWON AND WIFE WELCOME NEW BORN BABY

Nigerian inspirational gospel musician, Obiora “Obiwon” Nwokolobia-Agu is presently one of the happiest musicians in the entertainment industry, as his wife, Nkechi delivered a bouncing baby girl on Tuesday 4th September 2012.

The Obi Mu O crooner didn’t keep his fans waiting too long to see his new bundle of joy as he shared a very cute shot of himself, his wife and the baby on his Facebook page.

The elated star, who couldn’t help but share the good news said “God made her from our loins and she arrived Sept 4th. Celebrate the grace of Jesus with us!” on Twitter.

Wish them both a huge congratulations and all the best.

FUN+ PICK YOUR ANIMAL, ADD LIKELY STATUS

IF ANIMALS HAD FACEBOOK, THESE ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE THEIR STATUS UPDATES

COCKROACH: "My friends please help me thank God o! Just found
out Mortein na body spray... e no kil me o!.. Just made me smell good!"

CHICKEN: "If tomorrow I'm not updating ma status, it means I'm being served @ 'MR BIGGS'... Luv U all!"

PIG: "Ooh gosh!... Dem dey throw gossip say I dey spread flu...
What da f**k?"

DOG: "I hate Calabar people"

RAT: "The owner of the house just bought a cat, we dey pack comot from here tomorrow"

GOAT: "Friends... Thank God 4 me o! A car almost hit me now... chai! I would have died like a fowl...

FOWL's comment on GOAT'S status: "I thank God for you o!... Don't mind those yeye humans... That's how dem dey drive like goats...

Keep the fun rolling...

FUN+ ONLY IN NAIJA

~ Woman gave birth to a child that brought into this planet earth a rosary & a holy book from heaven

~ Woman gave birth to a horse

~ Girl turned snake

~ Wearing colour red on some days is forbidden because satan does drink blood on those days

~ SMS/calls from some phone nos are killing people

~ You switch off your phones at night because of Lasun ray, Muka ray and Murphy ray

Keep it rolling...

CBJ AMEBO: SAMSUNG PAYS APPLE $1 BILLION SENDING 30 TRUCKS FULL OF 5 CENT COINS.

This is getting seriously funny.

This morning more than 30 trucks filled with 5-cent coins arrived at Apple’s headquarters in California.

Initially, the security company that protects the facility said the trucks were in the wrong place, but minutes later, Tim Cook (Apple CEO) received a call from Samsung CEO explaining that they will pay $1 billion dollars for the fine recently ruled against the South Korean company in this way.

CBJ AMEBO: WOMAN DELIVERS HORSE IN EDO CHURCH.

Worshippers of the World Liberation Ministry located along old Sapele-Benin express road on Tuesday took to their heels during a prophesy programme when a female member delivered a horse.

The horse was however dead by the time Journalists visited the church.
It was gathered that the woman whose identity was not yet known started screaming during the prayer session and began to bleed from the vagina before the horse came out.

FACT: Only NIGERIANS CAN HAVE FULL CONVERSATIONS WITH JUST QUESTIONS.

Below is an example:

Dele: My guy, How far?
Emeka: Wetin dey happen?
Dele: Why you jus dey call me now?
Emeka: You buy me credit?
Dele: Dis wan wey you call so, you wan show?
Emeka: Where u dey?
Dele: You sabi Plus place?
Emeka: Make we block there?
Dele: Before nko? Abi u wan make we block for anoda place?
Emeka: You get pay?
Dele: Wetin you wan take money do?
Emeka: We no suppose drink?
Dele: Na me born you?
Emeka: No be u be my chairman?
Dele: Abi craze don log on to u? Na my pay u go dey use maintain?
Emeka: Before nko?
Dele: U serious abi you dey play?
Emeka: Bros, wetin u tink?
Dele: So, u no really hold change eh? And u wan drink? U no dey shame?
Emeka: Bros, which ones na? Na change for beer come dey cause dis kind yarn?
Dele: Before nko?

MAIL NONI

Akpors goes to the post office, he buys an envelope from the cashier and then screams into envelope.

The cashier asks him,

"why are u screaming into the envelop"

Akpors answers,

"I am sending a voice mail"

LOBATAN!

CBJ AMEBO: HISTORY MADE AS MURRAY WINS US OPEN 2012

Andy Murray jumped out to a two-set lead, watched it wither away, then turned up the heat again in the fifth set Monday on his way to a 7-6 (12-10), 7-5, 2-6, 3-6, 6-2 victory against Novak Djokovic to win the U.S. Open.

It was a historic win for Murray, previously 0-4 in major finals, and for Britain, which hadn't had a male Grand Slam champion since Fred Perry in 1936.

Murray now can claim some bragging rights as the player of the year: A major title -- four different winners of majors in 2012 -- and an Olympic gold medal.

SAY SOMETHING...

????!!!

CBJ AMEBO: FEMALE STUDENT WUNMI ADEBAYO SHOT DEAD BY ARMED ROBBERS IN OGUN STATE

According to classmates and friends of the slain student, Wunmi Adebayo was shot dead last night at a male friend's house at Golden Estate in Ijebu Ode, Ogun state.

The 200 level student was visiting the friend when they were attacked by armed robbers who robbed them and shot her in the face because she fought them off when they tried to assault her.

Her corpse has been deposited at the mortuary.

Wunmi was the first child of her parents and friends say she was very jovial, friendly and kind hearted.

Her candlelight procession will hold tomorrow at skyfield in Lagos.

CAN'T STOP LOLING!

Honestly don't know what whoever carved this was thinking of.

Is this sit carved for a man or woman?

Say something 'bout this pix.

FUN+ (Quite simple)

ACT LIKE A CIA, FBI OR SSS.

(Decode this)

A man got murdered in his office on 3rd September, 2012 and the killer left a sign.

The suspects are:

~ TUNDE

~ AKPORS

~ LUKMAN

~ AMBALI

~ SAMSON

~ CHINEDU

A calendar near the man has blood, written;

"1,11,16,15,18,19"

WHO IS THE KILLER? PROVE!

FASHION NONI

This picture got me singing indomie advert song this way.

{Salon do good o, e do good... Salon wey fix ma hair, e do good... Indomie fix well well, e do good}

NO BE SO?

Say something about this pix.

FUN+

Mother-in-law shouted;

"My son must listen to me and obey my instructions, unless, he did not suck this breast of mine for more than a year."

Daughter-in-law replied;

"Mama, that was over 40 years ago. You must realize that it is my breast he now sucks. He has sucked it for more than 5 years and he is still sucking."

Mother-in-Law fired back;

"I carried him for 9months"

Daughter-In-Law replied;

"He was only 3.5KG then, wasn't he? So what's the big deal? I carry him every night, he is now 90 KG!"

... and the battle continues

The question is: Who com get man na????

CBJ FACE OF THE WEEK: JUDITH AUDU

PROFESSION: Nollywood Actress
HEIGHT: 5'8
FILMOGRAPHY
~ Tv Series: Tinsel, Huzzel, Comfort zone, Burning spear, House apart, Case file, Behind the smile etc
~ Movies: Life is beautiful, Married but living single, Hammer etc.
BLOG: www.judithaudu.blogspot.com
FB LINK: www.facebook.com/judithaudu

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Have fun...

CBJ AMEBO: CHINA'S LONGEST RIVER–YANGTZE RIVER, MYSTERIOUSLY TURNS INTO RED

The Yangtze River is called “golden” because of the heavy rainfall it receives year-round, and it runs through Chongqing, Southwest China’s largest industrial and commercial center, also known as the “mountain city” because of the hills and peaks upon which its many buildings and factories stand.

As much as the reddening has stopped some people’s regular routine, it hasn’t stopped the local fishermen from fishing and going about their regular businesses.

While the river’s red coloring was most pronounced near Chongqing it was also reported at several other points.

Experts are still reportedly investigating and finding out the reason behind the sudden color change!

JUST SAY AMEN: FAVOUR

Was talking to a friend who's a contractor in the city of Abuja, Nigeria who told me 'bout an experience in his last contract with a ministry.

He talked about how a man (Director) whom he has never met in his life just decided to help him out about his processes.

The Director left his own office carrying this dude's files around top shot offices for him from offices A-Z.

He said he was worried 'coz he knows nothing goes for nothing in this country.

After all was settled, (a process of about a week finished in about 1hr 30 mins) he said he went to meet the man to say thank you and to his greatest surprise, the man just said,

"Son, don't worry, it was just a favour"

EEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!

OUR PRAYER IS SIMPLE

THIS WEEK,

**May God see to it that someone will not rest until your case is settled.

HaPpY nEw WeEk!!!

CBJ AMEBO: WHAT DO YOU THINK 'BOUT THIS HAIRSTYLE?

Hmmm...

????????