Nov 17, 2012

ASIRI TU... 50/50 NONI

Mr Akpors ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything
he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands.

He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.

He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car
to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired.

Mr Akpors agreed.

Mr Akpors: Car, go and bring my children from school.

The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong.

Several hours later and no car, Mr Akpors became apprehensive, dressed
up, ready to lodge a report at the police station.

He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with
an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said,

"These are your children sir"

In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress
two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and
their neighbours two sons.

Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children?

Mr Akpors, nonplussed, calmly replied...





Akpors who wanted to get rid of his nagging and over demanding
girlfriend tried all attempts which didn't work out.

One day, an idea flashed into his head.

He logged into Facebook, browsed into people's profile and succeeded
in downloading four beautiful girls pictures.

He printed it out and wrote with red ink R.I.P on each of the pictures.

He hid them in a magazine and kept it on top of his television.

One Saturday morning, his girlfriend was cleaning the house and saw
the pictures on the magazine.

She walked up to him at the bedroom...

Girlfriend: Darling!

Akpors: Sweetie what is it?.

Girlfriend: I saw this pictures in the magazine at the top of the
television. Who are these girls?.

Akpors: Oh that, forget about them, it's not important.

Girlfriend: It's important to me, I need to know please.

Akpors: Ok, this one is Onome, I met her at a friend's wedding. We
dated and wanted to get married, but two months before the wedding,
she got involved in a car accident and died.

This one is Ngozi, we met at Mr Biggs restaurant, we dated for a
while. One day, she was heading to Lagos and her car caught fire, she
got burnt beyond recognition.

This one is Roselyn, she was my neighbour's daughter who came back
from London on a visit. We met and spent a night together, she got
involved in a plane crash while returning back to London. Her corpse
was never found.

This one, oh Angela, her name is Angela, I loved her so much. We went
to visit my pastor, on our way back a truck ran over our keke napep,
she died instantly and I and the driver survived. It was after her
that I met you.

Girl (Cuts in): ...Met who? No be me and you o.

She ran 100M under 6secs, who is Bolt? LMAO!!!

Nov 15, 2012



What else can we say than this product being TIMELY, especially in
this period of flood here and there.

Just buy a paddle with it and forget the fear of flood in ur area.
Jump on the sea with ur shoes on and paddle ur way anywhere.


Call: 080 SEE SHOE for details.


1. Two guys are fightin, a 3rd guy comes along, sees dem and walks on - Dat's Lagos!
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2. Two guys are fightin, a crowd gathers to watch, a guy comes along and quietly opens a bottle of beer - Dat's Jos!
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3. Two guys are fightin, a crowd gathers 2 watch, a guy comes along and quietly says, 'God doesn't like all dis nonsense'...Peace settles in - Dat's Enugu!
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4. Two guys are fightin and a 3rd guy comes along, den a 4th and dey start arguin about who is right - U are in Sapele!
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5. Two guys are fightin, d 3rd guy comes frm a nearby house and says, "Don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else and keep fightin". - Dat's Benin!
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6. Two guys are fightin, one runs away only 2 return with boko boys 2 start killin innocent people who know nothin about d fight - Dat's Yobe!
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7. Two guys are fightin, a 3rd guy comes along with a carton of beer, all sit 2gether drinkin beer and abusin each other and all go home as friends - U are in Waffi (Warri noni)!
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8. Two guys are fightin and one of dem starts callin d other one thief, armed robber, cultist and so on...A mob gathers and burn d accused alive - U are in Aluu!
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9: Two guys are fightin, both of dem take time out and call deir friends on deir mobiles...Now 50 guys are fightin - U are definitely in Ibadan!
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10. Two guys are fightin, a 3rd guy comes along and tries 2 make peace...D 1st two get 2gether and beat him up - Dat's Bauchi 4 U!

Naija no dey carry last...Add urs!

Nov 14, 2012


Well, since Fashola is chasing after bikes, am sure this one ain't included cos it's no longer a bike.

What do we call this?

Am sure in this guys mind, he's saying;

"Fashola u no fit catch me for dis one never"

Hehehhuhuhvhvhvhhihihhxhxhx (Laughing in Roman figure)


Now u can enjoy ur satellite service without interruption due to rain or heavy wind.

This latest SATELLITE WIND BREAK was announced this morning by the Chief Engr. - Engr. Akpors and he says this is another technological breakthrough in the history of Satellite communication.

SATELLITE WIND BREAKS are available worldwide.

Hurry while stock last.


Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED anyfurther by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)