NAIJA

If u've ever lived in the hostel,

"EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE"

True or False?

CBJ AMEBO: MAN "WALKS" ON WATER WITH BARE FOOT IN LONDON

Dynamo, a magician whose real name is Steve Frayne "walked" across the
river thames.

The nifty footwork was a suitably jaw-dropping publicity stunt for his
new Tv series.

The Bradford-born illusionist, 28, made it halfway across the stretch
of river in front of the house of parliament in London before he was
picked up by what appeared to be a River police boat.

Stunned onlookers watched from Westminster bridge as the magician
recorded the stunt for his new Tv show, Dynamo: Magician Impossible.

CONFAM BUSINESS CENTER

This business center no be here ooo.. Oga ju.

Can u type ur projects, CV etc here?

LMAO...

TEN TIPS TO SURVIVE WITHOUT OKADA IN LAGOS

(This may be of great help to our Lagos fans)

Now that Fashola has decided to ban Okada on Lagos roads and suggested
people start trekking, here are some few tips that will help you cope
without the usual quick bike rides to ur daily destinations.

10. Buy shoe protectors, replace as the need arises.

9. In relation to number 10, carry an extra pair of foot wear
(preferably slippers) in your bag (men inclusive). That bag should
also carry the following: a small umbrella, water bottle and small
chops to go.

8. Wear casual clothes to work, change into your official clothes at
work, then change back to the casual clothes for the journey back
home. You don't have to look too official while trekking.

7. For the ladies, this is the time to smile from ear to ear with that
ugly male colleague who drives a car and lives near your residence.

6. For the guys, buy a car before your girlfriend's colleague starts
to take her home.

5. Save the money for your gym membership, you are getting enough
exercise already.

4. Start trekking groups in your office, class, church, mosque etc.
After all it is said that a trek trekked with companions is no trek at all.

3. Learn how to entertain yourself.
in your own space. Stock up on game consoles, books, magazines,
movies, read jokes on CBJ etc. Pay that DSTV subscription too.

2. As the crime rate increases due to the okada ban, buy a gun.

1. If none of the above works, pack go your village.

0. If you are an Okada owner, join up with other colleagues and
establish Formula 1 Naija Bike Racing.

Ekoo oni ba je o... Obaje ti!.

SEE EHN... MAKE UNA BONE TALKS ABEG.. THIS SALLAH NO BE HERE O...

Confirmed celebration.

Akpors everywhere mehn.

Fish him out in this pix... Joor ooo... Hehehehehehehe

OH GOD, LEAD US NOT INTO AKPORS

Teacher: Why do we drink water?
Akpors: Because we cannot eat water.

Akpors puts his radio inside the freezer so he can listen to COOL FM!!!

Teacher: Akpors what Is the name for baby lizard?
Apkors: Lizzy baby.

Teacher: Akpors how was ur night?
Akpors: I don't know ma, I was sleeping.

Boss: I'll pay u N30,000/month & in 3 months, I'll raise it to
N60,000. When would u like to start?
Akpors: In 3 months sir.

Police: Where do u live?
Akpors: With my parents.
Police: Where do ur parents live?
Akpors: With me.
Police (now seriously pissed off): Ok ok, so where you all live?
Akpors: Together.

Akpors trying to commit suicide..
Ambali: Why do u have d rope on ur waist?
Akpors: Ahhh, d last time I tried it on my neck, I nearly died.

Teacher: What do we have after 69?
Akpors: Mouthwash sir.
Teacher: Get out of my class, Idiot.

Teacher: In which battle did Napoleon die?..
Akpors: His last battle

Teacher: The process of developing from a child to an Adult is called?
Akpors: ADULTERY

SALLAH SWAGS (To match leleyi o...)

~ Answer and win a ram.

In the picture below, identify Mallam Akpors. Lol

UPDATING STATUS

As at yesterday evening, these rams were found updating their fb
status... Hehehehehe

What could probably be their status updates?

LMAO

LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN EXPLAINED

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

What woman wishes for...

Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

KUDOS TO CBJ TECHNICAL DEPT.

CBJ iDISH is now available.

According to a statement released by the Chief Engineer - Mr Akpors
Jobs, this is a major technological breakthrough.

Hurry now while stock last.

For more info, call customer care at: 080 DISH NONI

LMAO...

TRUE BEAUTY OF NAIJA

I LOVE NAIJA

This cute twin are dressed in Naija local fabric called "ASO OKE" or "ASO OFI"?

Say something about this.

GOD BLESS NIGERIA

AKPORS NA CASE

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

Girl: How much do you love me?

Akpors: My heart is a mobile phone & you'яe its SIM.

Girl: Oh God! I am so lucky...

Akpors said silently to himself,

'mumu girl, she doesn't know that my mobile phone uses two sim cards.'

SALLAH THINGZ

This ram don hear ween...

Ofcourse u know who's traveling for Sallah already.

Our one and only ...................! (Fill the blank)

LIVE UPDATE - HAPPENING NOW (BRO AKPORS)

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

(Somewhere in Warri)

During testimony time in church this morning, 16 yrs old pastor's daughter stood up and says,

'Praise the lord'.

Everybody shouted,

'Halleluyah'.

She continue....

'Since the tender age of 13, I've been experiencing monthly period with so much pain but now after a series of Bible studies and prayers with Bro Akpors - our Sunday school teacher in his house, my monthly periods have ceased for more than 3 months now. You can see I'm even getting fatter and prettier. Praise the lord.'

THE PASTOR FAINTED.

We'll bring update as soon as the pastor gets up from coma.

CBJ FACE OF THE WEEK: MEET CBJ DEPUTY GOVERNOR (VICKY)

PROFILE: CBJ DEPUTY GOVERNOR
HEIGHT: 5'7
FB LINK: https://www.facebook.com/ahadizat

LMFAO...

This food is in trouble.

What do u think is on this little man's mind?

NEW JOB TITLES (Add urs)

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

*Gardener: Landscape Executive Officer (LEO)
*House Maid: House Upkeep Manager (HUM)

*Receptionist: Office Access Control Manager (OACM)
*Typist: Printed Document Handler (PDH)
*Messenger: Business Communications Conveyor Specialist (BCCS)
*Window Cleaner: Transparent Wall Technician (TWT)
*Temporary Teacher: Associate Tutor (AT)
*Tea Boy: Refreshment Specialist (RS)
*Garbage Collector: Public Sanitation Engineer (PSE)
*Watchman: Theft Prevention & Surveillance Officer (TPSO)
*Thief: Wealth re-Distribution Expert (WrDE)
*Driver: Automobile Propulsion Specialist (APS)
*Maid: Domestic Operations Specialist (DOS)
*Employee without Portfolio: Administration Manager (AM)
*Cook: Gastrointestinal Nourishment Management Executive(GNMO)
*Barber: Dead Scalp Cells Removal Specialist (DSCRS)
*Mechanic: Automotive Fault Tracing & Correction Engineer (AFTCE)
*Tailor: Couture Fabrication Specialist (CFS)
*Politician: Public Funds Diversion Expert (PFDE)

Do Not Forget
*Gossip: Research & Communications Manager (RCM)
*Bad Belle pple: Research, Analysis & Criticism Specialist (RACS)
*Prostitutes: Temporary Spouse Replacement & Care-Giving Executive (TSRCE)
*Local Drunk: Alcohol Testing & Maintenance Executive (ATME)
*Yahoo boy: International Wealth re-Distribution Consultant (IWDC)
*Assassin: Human Population Control Officer (HPCO)

Add more...

WEEKEND LAUGH

Central Bank of Jokes(CBJ)

~ If u're looking for a terrible character, don't go too far. IT'S AKPORS!

Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Ogaga decided to go for a picnic.

Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches.

Ogaga carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away.

It took them 2 hours to get there.

When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches.

After checking around, Ogaga found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener.

They then begged Akpors to make the 4 hour trip to and fro for the opener.

He disagreed. "You'll finish the sandwiches before I return," Akpors protested.

"No we won't", assured Rukewe.

After some more cajoling from them, Akpors reluctantly sets out for the opener.

After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors.

They decided to wait for another 3 hours.

Still no sign of Akpors.

Ogaga and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by now very hungry so they decided to
take one sandwich each.

As they were about to eat, Akpors pops out from behind a rock screaming:

"I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN"!!!

TGIF (Thank God It's Friday)

What a family! LOL

What's the name of this family's dance stunts?

BREAKING NEWS FUN+ (TONTO DIKEH'S SPECIAL)

"Music career started & end in a day" - New world guiness record set by NIGERIAN ACTRESS [TONTO DIKEH]

- BM- "I tried downloading Tonto Dikeh's song but my phone rejected it. My iPhone is truly a
smartphone."

- Sarah: Tonto Dikeh's two tracks are like two Bullets , One to Kill you and the Other to Make sure you are Dead....

- AIT Reporter : Mr johnson what do you think about Tonto Dikeh's new singles?

Johnson: Ah! it is meant for people who are ready to die.

- Akpors: When a DJ Played TONTO DIKEH'S song at my grand-mother's Funeral, my gandmum woke up frm the and changed the Track

NEWS_PAPERS HEADLINES:

- I sang under duress - Tonto Dikeh claims.

- Boko haram admits: We're responsible

- Don't try it again -TB Joshua warns.

- Dis is sad - Nigerians comment

- I think Tonto's Song is nice if you listen to it on mute: King allu

- Truth be told NTA NEWS anthem sounds way better than tonto's singles : king allu admits,

- Truth be told, if what Tonto Dike did qualifies to be referred to as singing, then my generator is the
greatest vocalist of all time = mereje jeffrey comments.

- Tonto Dikeh introduced and ended her music career in a day.
She said "Hi & It's Over"

My question is "Is that music really bad?"

LOL anyways...